Psalm 56 and Parkinson's

I woke up from terrible dreams tonight. i don't remember them, just know they were very real and very terrifying. Melissa tried waking me but i wouldn't wake up. When i did, i was so afraid. she stayed with me until the fear faded and i calmed down and i remembered Psalm 56:2 What time i am afraid, i will trust in thee, a verse i learned as a child. i began my morning, by finding and reading this Psalm...

Now i know that it was written as David fled his enemy, the Philistine in Gath, but as i read the psalm, i realized that i am fighting a very real enemy, named Parkinson's Disease, and what it is doing to my body is every bit as real as what David's enemies were attempting to do to him. When verse 5 says "Every day they wrest my words..." and verse 6 says "they mark my steps", my heart cries out my struggle to walk and talk and my stumbling steps.

Verse 8 begins, "Thou tellest my wanderings...." Oh, my! and am i wandering, some days i feel like i'm on a rolling ship as i stumble from side to side, other days, it's not so bad and i have lots hands to hang on to...

and then verse 8 goes on to say, "put thou my tears into thy bottle..." isn't that amazing imagery? God reaching down and catching my tears and keeping them in His bottle as precious things? That is how much He cares for me!

"are they not in thy book?" God not only keeps my tears, notes my wanderings, but is writing them for eternity in His book. These little posts of mine are temporary, but God's book is forever!!!
Then verse 9, "When i cry unto thee...this i know, for God is for me." oh, how amazing, in my weakness, i have God for me!

"10 In God will I praise his word: in the LORD will I praise his word.
11 In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.
12 Thy vows are upon me, O God: I will render praises unto thee."

And just when i was all ready to end the psalm, i mean what more is there to say, God is watching over me, i trust Him and praise Him ever, there is one last verse...

13 "For thou hast delivered my soul from death:..." God delivered my soul on the cross, and brought me to Himself as a child, For this, i praise You and thank You, Father God!

But then those last two phrases....

"... wilt not thou deliver my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living?" Do you know how often i don't fall? i should, and i have fallen only 4 to 5 times in the 14 years i have fought PD, but really, with my stumbling, off balance, freezing, disturbed gait, i should fall regularly, everyone, especially me, is surprised that i don't, but now i know, God is literally holding me up! How awesome is that???

and there is a reason, "that i may walk before God in the light of the living?" Did you know that the Hebrew ends that phrase with 2 words, light and  living/alive/age? Would it be too far off translation to say, "...that i may walk before God, a light to the living or to this age??" I don't think so, because that was exactly how God laid it on my heart this morning.

Thank you for letting me share my thoughts this morning....and thank You, Father for surrounding me as i walk, spiritually and physically and please let me show Your light in this dark world..."

p.s. i am restricting my use of capital letters as it is hard enough for me to type without having to hold down the shift button. my typing is so much smoother without them.